My body is blessed with an immune system that works full time. I rarely get sick. Because of that, that fever made me think that it was something.
But it was sudden and quick. The fever disappeared the day after with just one capsule of Bioflu and the care of my roommate.
When I realized that I no longer have a fever, I still felt like something's wrong. My arm felt heavy.
Days later, I noticed a lump in my left armpit.
It was not new. I had those before, not just once. It was not an issue as it would disappear on its own.
Weeks later, that lump was still there. It was not usual as it should be gone already in maybe a week, just like the small lumps that I had before. But that lump seemed to be not really the usual.
It got bigger. It stung when my sleeve touched it or even when my own armpit was down. It ached when I exert force on my left hand. It got swollen and went really big that I would no longer be able to put down my armpit as it would hurt if I do so. It almost occupied 3/4 of my armpit.
I am a web developer. I use my hands to code. It was very inconvenient as I had to position my left hand in such a way that my left arm would not move as I code. And if I needed to stand up, I would always stroke my hair just to keep it less awkward as I couldn't put my arm down.
I got alarmed and told Mama about it. She was worried as she was not with me and couldn't check my real condition. She told me to take medicines, and so I did.
After 7 days of religiously taking my meds, the lump got smaller.
But it was still there.
I don't like taking medicines as I am concerned of my liver and besides, it's very costly. And so I just waited. I waited for the lump to get even smaller.
And it did!
June 2014, the lump came back. As expected.
I knew it would grow again as I felt like it was still there. Yes it went smaller but I knew it was still there.
Again, I took my medicines. I was self-medicating as I don't like to go to the doctor. Mama was not with me and besides, doctors and hospitals are not part of my healing remedies. My immune system never failed me once. After the 7-day self-medication, the lump was no longer visible!
But then again, I knew, it was still there.
August 2014, I received a signal. I went for a checkup as the lump came back for the third time. My doctor explained to me the real situation.
It was normal. Girls usually experience it. The lump was due to the hair follicle that got infected because of plucking.
That was a BIG relief.
I followed the prescriptions of my doctor. A week after, I went back for another checkup. He gave me additional medicines as the lump was still there. After taking another sets of medicines, I went back again for the final assessment. My doctor said I was fine, the lump was gone. BUT... He advised me to undergo an operation to avoid the lump to reoccur.
And that scared me.
Mama was not with me. I was alone. I was away from home. My doctor said that I should be back in a month or when I am ready. I will never be. I will not come back. I told myself that.
October 2014, I thought it would come back. I was scared as I realized the pattern. April... June... August... But it didn't come back!
December 2014, it was haunting me again. It came back for the fourth time.
I told myself before not to go back to the doctor. I was scared. I was alone and scared. I went back to my self medication. After taking my meds for a week, the lump was still there. It didn't even get smaller.
I was too scared.
Right then my eyes caught the 1-liter bottle of holy water from the Divine Mercy Shrine.
I was reminded of my faith.... And how I actually dealt with the lump in my armpit.
All those times, when I went over a series of medications, I was gulping down the tablets and capsules thinking that I would be healed if I don't skip taking all my meds in 7 days. I was thinking that the tablets and capsules will shrink down that stubborn lump. I was thinking that I only need to watch over the time to take my meds on time. I was thinking that I only need to avoid straining my arm to keep it from getting worse. I was thinking that I only need to be more responsible of myself.
But I was totally wrong.
I forgot that God is my only healer. I forgot that my doctor was His instrument to give me the right medication. I forgot that the tablets and capsules were just means for my healing. I forgot that if I believe that I would be healed, God will heal me. I forgot that God was with me and I was never alone all those times. I forgot that I should never be scared. I forgot that God loves me, so much.
I took the holy water and wiped it in my armpit as I asked forgiveness and prayed for God's healing through the body and blood of Christ. I asked God to heal me and I claimed that I will be healed.
The day after, in an instant, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I received God's healing miracle ♥
The lump shrunk! The swelling was gone! Instantly!!
From that day, I continued to wipe the holy water in my armpit as I prayed for a complete healing. I knew the lump was still there but I was already thinking differently. I believed that God will heal me completely.
I called Mama to tell her the good news. I cried over the phone as I share my testimony. I have never experienced such miracle before and I was so overwhelmed since I didn't have anyone to share it with. I feel so imperfect and I find myself unworthy to talk about God to people. I rarely share my beliefs as I am afraid that people might see God in a negative way because of me. But the healing miracle was so overwhelming and so I was able to share it to Mama, to 3 close friends, and to a group of 6 strangers during a fellowship.
Months of carrying the overwhelming experience of God's healing miracle, I felt so blessed and loved.
July 2015... All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I was caught off guard, the lump came back.
I was confused. I was even more scared. I was ashamed. I got disappointed. I got frustrated I got angry.
I cried. I talked to Him. I argued with Him. I cried as I was talking to Him. I cried as I was arguing with Him.
I didn't understand Him. I was ashamed as I already told people about the miracle. I was scared that people would question my faith. I was scared that people would question Him because of me. I was angry as I know that He knows me well and my weakness. But He hit me right on that very spot. I was angry as He allowed it to happen even if He knows that I would be very devastated.
I cried. I cried. I cried my heart out to Him.
As I type these words, I am still overwhelmed of God's love, mercy and grace. As I remember the message that He wanted to tell me, I am asking the Holy Spirit that you who is reading this post may be able to feel His perfect love for you as well.
After that night, when I had an argument with Him, as I woke up in the morning, God blessed me with another healing miracle. The lump was gone.
He wanted to tell me that HE IS MY HEALER, He is Your Healer, He is Our Healer. That whatever you are going through right now --- physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually --- He loves you and He will heal you.
During the time when I received the first healing miracle, a second thought actually came into my mind weeks after that. I realized that I actually took my meds for 7 days before the miracle happened. The thought was actually trying to tell me that it may not have been a miracle, it's probably just a delay in terms of my body's reaction to the medicines that I took before that. But it was Satan trying to question God's healing power. And the second healing miracle put a period into that second thought. God's love and mercy shut the devil's temptation.
I feel horrible as I was not cautious of the devil's whisper. But God is so loving and merciful. He knows that I am weak and He understands that I am fragile. He gave me another miracle to clearly tell me that He is My God, My Lord and Savior, My Redeemer, My Healer.
Today, as I type these words, my armpit is fine. I don't know if the lump will come back. But this time, I am certain, I will be healed again. ♥
Praying for everyone to receive the complete healing physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually; in the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
"...And a woman who had been suffering from a hemorrhage for twelve years, came up behind Him and touched the fringe of His cloak; for she was saying to herself, "If I only touch His garment, I will get well." But Jesus turning and seeing her said, "Daughter, take courage; your faith has made you well." At once the woman was made well.."
- Matthew 9:20-22
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Created this post on the 30th of December 2015 but never published it. My weak self was again taking over. But yesterday's news about Janice gives me a strong message. It hurts me that I have to know that she has been suffering when it was too late. When I can no longer do something but pray for her soul.
Taking courage before it's too late for the rest of those who are in need. Happy new year everyone! Wishing you all a healthier 2016 in body, soul and spirit! ♥
PS. I would be glad to pray for you or for anyone you would like to pray for. Just send me an email at mae.nadayag@gmail.com for prayer requests ☺
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To God will always be the glory! ♥
