Worry. Pray.

"If ever you worry, pray. If you pray, don't worry."

- KP

God will direct your steps.

A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9, NKJV.  

Oftentimes, God will use our experiences in life as stepping stones to prepare us for what He has in store next. Scripture tells us that He’ll even take the things the enemy tries to bring against us and turn them around and use them for our good. He is always leading us on a journey of preparation.  

That’s why it’s so important to keep our eyes focused on Him. We have to trust that when we are submitted to Him—even if we don’t understand—He is ordering our steps. If something is not happening on your timetable, remind yourself, “God knows what He is doing. He has my best interest at heart. God is preparing me.” While you’re waiting, don’t make the mistake of trying to figure everything out. If you’re constantly trying to figure things out, that will only frustrate you. Turn it over to God. Declare, “God, my times are in Your hands. I’m not going to worry because I trust that You are leading me on a journey of preparation for all the wonderful blessings You have in store for me.” [x]

Yeah, things will surely get better soon. You'll get there. *pats own self*

Independence Day 2013

I'd rather choose to cry and to be called as weak
than explain myself and disrespect you.

I'd rather choose to hurt you by keeping my mouth shut
than say nasty things and hurt you even more.

I'd rather choose to work hard in silence
than slap you in the face with my progress.

I was hurt that's why I cried. I couldn't stop crying because it was frustrating; I couldn't do anything. I know you were influenced by something; you were not in your normal state of mind. But I believe you utter the words that you were trying to keep inside your heart; you were disappointed. I can't blame you. But... Is it too much to ask for your patience? For your understanding? For your trust?

It hurts because I was expecting too much. I thought I did enough to gain your respect and trust. But I guess all the sacrifices were not enough. But don't worry, I won't give up. I will try to endure the pain. I will remain strong. I will work hard. But I can't promise you that I will forget that day. The scar will always be there. The wound is too deep it would take years to heal.

Current state: Shut down. Too hurt to socialize. It may take a while.

Hmm...

"Maybe he wasn't the wrong one. Maybe it was the society. 
Decades ago the right belief was that the planet earth was in the center of the universe and the ones who thought different should face their deaths. 
Society believed that and they were wrong."

She said SORRY today.

I was crying hard that I almost barely can breathe.
She thought it was because of a trivial matter; but it was totally not about that.
I expected her to understand the situation that's why I was confident to commit on such act.
But she disappointed me.
She didn't lend me her hand when I asked for help.
She remained firm with her pride.
She didn't move even if my heart was about to explode.
Until the tears started pouring.
When my hands were freezing.
Then crying hard while opening my mouth was the only best way to inhale.
I didn't cry because of that trivial matter.
I cried because I was wrong when I thought that she would understand.
I cried because I was hurt of the thought that she would choose her pride over my pathetic self.
I cried because I was yearning for her affection.
As expected from a brat.

I am sorry I was acting childish.
I am sorry I am not a grown up yet.
I am sorry for hurting you.
I am sorry for shouting back at you.
I am sorry I showed you my anger.
I am sorry I told you how I felt.
I am sorry for being selfish.
I am sorry for being emotionally weak.

I wasn't able to open my eyes because of the tears.
I can't even move and lean to your direction because my body was freezing.
But I felt you were tearing while patting my back and asking me to calm down.
You were sorry for hurting me; when the truth is, it is I who hurt you more.

I am sorry I am your daughter.
Thank you for being my mother.

Awkward Octopus Mini Game #wongfu10yrs

Let me just start this post by saying that today is pretty legit... Mae in Progress.

June 8, 2:42 AM before sleeping, I sent an email to Wong Fu Productions.

I wanted to share my awkward octopus mini game to them which I hesitated of sharing. But when I saw Wong Fu's tweet about their 10th anniversary, I kinda thought of uploading the game for them to see, serving as a gift of appreciation for the amazing 10 years they shared to us, their fans (though it's been 2 years for me so far).

I actually was planning of posting the link on Wong Fu's facebook page. But I was too shy that my "facebook friends" would see it, might tease me or anything. Sorry, I'm awkward and timid like that. Yes, even sharing this to Wong Fu, I was not 100% confident with it. Because I really thought they deserve so much better. But time was not on my side, that's the best I could do so far *sigh* That's why I sent it via gmail. Knowing that they would receive a lot of mail, so if my message got noticed, then it's probably fine to share it to them. That's my hint to forgive myself for creating a very simple game *sigh*sigh*

Last night was also a sad day for me. Things were very cluttered and I was fighting against all the negative emotions. Oh, you know, this growing up stuff. The post graduation dilemma. So thank you Wes! Your message just saved me from that.

After posting the news (Wesley's reply) on facebook, I realized that my decision was right. Not posting the link of the game on Wong Fu's facebook page because some "friends" won't understand how important this is for me. It's ok though, I can't blame them, they don't know the whole story :) But the great thing is, my teachers' likes :D Ma'am Aloha, Sir Rabby, Sir Bouying, Sir Erik... Those guys are my mentors and it makes me feel so happy by thinking that they "like" my fangirling milestone. Or was it because of my asdfghjkl-ing caption?

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! SA KADAGHAN PWEDE MU-REPLY NGANONG SI WESLEY PA MAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN?!?!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH~~  

I ROCK!! OMGGGGGGG WHAT IS AIR OMFGAJKSHHFJDF!!! (ノД`)・゜・。

Ahhh~ Whatever their reasons, I'm happy for their "support" XD I won't be able to do this without their guidance though. Especially Sir Erik, who required us to create a game and taught us about Adobe Flash.

So yeah, that's it. Cuz this post is getting very long. HAH!

Click HERE if you want to play the game.

Please don't expect to much. The game is very simple and boring.

Write on the comment box or tweet me for your constructive criticism. I would love to hear your experience so I could improve the game. Thanks!

By the way, check out Wong Fu's 10th Anniversary special HERE.
It's pretty legit to say that I recognize 95% in the video. The video clips, the pictures, their website, their store, their apartment, their office, their stories. Made me cry actually.

Congrats for the amazing 10 years Wong Fu Productions! You've grown up so well. More years to come. Thank you for the inspiration! WONG FU 4 LYFE!! "VV"

I'm tired.

Don't make me feel that it's not ok to take a break when most of the time, I felt like I was left alone. Let's just say.... I'm tired.

I almost lost myself because of this. Give me time, enough time, to heal myself. I don't think you could understand it. No one would ever understand what I went through.

Respect. Space. Time.
I don't expect won't ask for your sympathy, just those three.

MESSAGE SENT!

Just took one step forward in reaching that dream. 

Yes, I am talking about THAT dream.

Mae in Progress